I have absolutely no idea how to feel about tomorrow. How should you feel when you're going to find out if the baby you are going to lose is your daughter or son? I have the slightest feeling of excitement...because we will finally know, boy or girl! The other 99% is a ball of emotions that I can't begin to organize into words and sentences. I am afraid of how life will change after tomorrow. Will I be able to function as well as I have been in the last 11 weeks? Will seeing other babies be even harder than it is now? Tomorrow determines how depressing it will be to think of pretty girly clothes or little boys playing sports until August 3rd and far after I am sure.
I have this reoccurring thought about Christmas in Iowa every now and then. While Jason and I were celebrating Christmas with family in Iowa last year we were having a fun conversation about how old the baby would be the next time we are in Iowa for Christmas...4 months. I keep thinking about that sweet 4 month old baby that I want to be holding in Iowa, wearing cute Pjs and being passed around by family...
Instead we will be empty handed and heartbroken.
Tomorrow at 10:30 (well lets say 10:50, they're never on time).
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