uff-da

uff-da doesn't really do justice to how I feel after this week. My parents were in town for a couple days (which was not part of the uff-da) which was wonderful! My mom was able to help in my classroom for 2 days, so nice to have another adult in the room for a couple days.

So either pregnancy brain is in full swing or this weeks jammed packedness (I know it's not a word, just go with it) momentarily stopped my brain from thinking clearly. Sunday while at the grocery store I forgot my pin...meaning Jason and to bring me a check (our grocery store doesn't take credit). Monday morning I woke up at 2:30 and couldn't fall back asleep...fast forward to 6:40am and I backed into my parents car, Happy Monday to me! I had to get report cards done and finish an assignment for grad school...all on Monday. Tuesday I had so much random paperwork to do at school to get ready for our field trip on Wednesday and then get some stuff together for grad school before leaving for home...only to learn that my homework hadn't properly saved!! err. Made it to class just in time Tuesday. All through class my mind is making a list of what do I still need to do to get ready for the field trip. Wednesday night I had to organize all the random stuff for parent-teacher conferences on Thursday. No time to think!

I made it to Friday!! Along with all of the other junk that was going on my mind kept thinking ahead to Monday  and finding out the gender of our baby...I am so sad and I don't even know why. boy or girl. I will be so sad either way. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like to see our baby again in an ultra sound. I want to look but I am afraid of what I will see. I am afraid of falling apart after learning what the gender is. Knowing if it is a boy or girl is something that just thinking about brings me to tears. 

I have been thinking about the funeral a lot lately. We are half way through the pregnancy and I don't want to have to make a lot of decisions after we lose our baby. I want people to know what we want and how we want it so we don't have to be asked. I want balloons at the funeral...birthday balloons. I want to celebrate the BIRTHday of my baby because we won't get to truly celebrate a birthday. Sometime before the burial of baby I want everyone at the funeral to be able to release a birthday balloon in celebration of our baby. 

I have also been thinking about where we will lay our baby down. I don't have any family buried here and the thought of burying our baby next people I don't know scares me. I know Jason has family here that he loves and misses but I don't know them. It makes me so incredibly sad to have to make that kind of decision. I don't want to hurt other people with that decision but it needs to be something that makes both Jason and I comfortable. 

Ok, wipe my eyes. On to exciting things! Our basement! We are getting so close. Our bathroom is done!! We need 2 glass walls for the shower but we will take care of that a little later. All the doors and closets are in. Majority of the trim is done. Lighting will be finished Monday or Tuesday next week. We will hopefully start carpeting in the 2 weeks or so. I promise I will post pictures soon.  

It's Friday night and not even 7pm and I am exhausted. Story of my life. If someone asked me what my bedtime is...I don't think I can say 9:30 anymore. It is more like 8:30. I miss caffeinated coffee! One cup a day just isn't enough. I have decaf but it just isn't the same. Not to mention I have to be careful how much chocolate I eat...not fun.