The emotions of learning about Ellie (that she is a she) are still raw and sudden sometimes. But it seems to be like when we found out our sweet baby was anecephalic, we had a week of being very emotional and now it is our norm and we go on with life. We enjoy talking about Ellie and not about "it". I have started looking at hats online for Ellie to wear...which feels a little surreal. I think that's because I enjoy shopping for hats but deep down I am shopping for hats to cover the abnormality of Ellie's skull and that hasn't truly sunk in yet. I can't seem to wrap my head around what she will look like. I know that no matter what she looks like I won't care because she is my daughter, but I am a little scared of how I will feel when I see her lack of skull for the first time.
I had a friend tell me that there is no skin where the absence of skull is, which almost terrifies me. How will I hold her? I don't want to hurt her. You will see dark matter (brain I am assuming) that is covered by a thin clear membrane. After talking to a few people and reading a little more I have re-affirmed my feelings of wanting a c-section, it seems having a c-section gives Ellie better odds of being born alive and living anywhere from minutes to possibly a couple days.
Well, I guess I had more to talk about than I thought I did.
Happy Easter!
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