engagement and baby clothes

I have started and stopped this post a handful of times now, not because I have something hard to talk about but because words just don't want to come today.

I posted on Saturday saying it was a dull day, well actually I had a secret that I wasn't sure if I could share yet. My brother in-law got engaged on Saturday!! Same brother in-law I mentioned in an earlier post saying he needed to hurry up and propose. He is engaged to a wonderful sweet woman.

Ellie girl...she feels like a tire around my waist. All of a sudden I feel like I can't bend over normally or lean forward in a chair easily. I don't feel like my belly has grown that much to make that feeling pop up all of a sudden. Sleeping has also gotten a little uncomfortable. I am so cautious of laying on my stomach. I am told I can sleep on my stomach but I think I am just nervous of hurting Ellie. I wake up in the middle of the night and before my alarm feeling uncomfortable, almost like my stomach is being stretched but it can't stretch anymore. Is that normal? Or am I crazy?

As I was wandering around Target today I past the baby clothes section and couldn't help myself from going in and picking out something for Ellie. Whether she is born alive or not she will need at least a few outfits. I found two cute summery outfits. Emotionally I was fine, my mind was kind of blank as I picked out the outfits and then went about my shopping. I realized when I got home I was afraid to be happy about buying clothes because I might jinx Ellie and she won't be born alive if I buy too much stuff in hopes she will be with us for a length of time. I remember the morning of our January 7th appointment, I was watching those baby story shows on TV (the first time since we found we were pregnant) and then hours later we found out our baby probably won't be able to come home with us. I know I really didn't jinx Ellie by watching those shows but it is quite annoying the morning of the appointment I let myself get excited about being pregnant. I am not sure how I will ever be able to relax the next time we find out we're pregnant...

Back to school tomorrow. It is always harder to go back after a long weekend, but only 9 school days until spring break!!