Knowing we are losing a daughter is incredibly hard. I find I am in tears more often than I was before finding out she is girl. I figured that was coming because now every time I see something girl related I know that is something that I will not get to experience, that Ellie will not get to experience. Before, when we didn't know boy or girl, seeing baby/kid things was not as hard because we didn't know which we were going to lose. And now we know.
Our counselor wants us to write letters to her...even starting to draft a letter in my head brings me to tears.I don't even know Ellie and I love her more than anything. I miss her already. I try to imagine what she might look like at 1 years old, on her first day of kindergarten, on her wedding day. The thing that seems to be hardest for me is thinking about her going to Heaven...I know that sounds odd. You would think knowing she will be in a better place with loved ones we have already lost would bring me comfort and joy. All it reminds me of is that she will be there and not here with us.
If anyone is willing to do some research for me I would appreciate it...I want to know the percentage of Anecephaly babies born alive after a c-section vs. vaginal birth (assuming I go to full term). I plan to talk more about it with my OB but I want to know what is out there on the web but I am scared of what I might see. I also want to know what the top of her head will look like, will there be skin? Or will we be able to see the wound?
I did find these % when I was being brave yesterday...
7% died in utero
18% died during birth
26% lived between 1 and 60 minutes
27% lived between 1 and 24 hours
17% lived between 1 and 5 days
5% lived 6 or more days
from www.anecephaly.info (I did not look through this website in detail)
This info goes against some stats that our OB told us...
Here is our beautiful daughter.
Here is her profile. It was really hard to get pictures of her face, she wanted to hold her arms in front of her.
Here is another profile, a little more wavy and hard to see. You can see her one arm is up and she is touching her forehead.
It's a girl! You see her butt, her two legs going to the left, and then nothing between her legs... : )
Our basement.......
Here is the before
The future family room.
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| Will become bathroom and bonus room |
Laundry room/storage will remain unfinished.
And as of today!!!
The family room
The hallway to the bathroom (on the left), bonus room at the end of the hallway, and then laundry room on the right. Eventually the wall on the right will have built-in shelves.
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| We'll get glass walls for the shower. |
Happy Saturday.
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